Jaded... complicated...

So I was starting to feel ok. Like things were getting better. Less frustrated with things. Just a fraction less tired. I was feeling like I could get through the next two weeks and I felt good that we're actually doing ok- I have three more weeks of instructional time before we review like crazy for three days and then take the E*OC (En*d of Cour*se test... aka the big deal test scores that the state bases school performance, and thus how much money they give us, on). This is perfect because I have three more objectives to hit on and we're doing all right cramming one in per week (for example all of WWI was an objective (8), the 20's and 30's is "Prosperity and D*epression" (9), and next week WWII is objective (10).)

So I should be feeling good, right? My kids are driving me slightly less crazy. I have been able to cram in the 50+ terms and the 20 "main ideas" of the 20's and 30's in this week. I have been busting my you-know-what all week to get this stupid 13 and a half weeks test done (it's a ton of work because I had to cut and paste- literally- up old tests to get 100 questions by carefully choosing the best ones, then copy that, then match up the objectives to each question (though the other USH teacher did half), then physically white out all the numbers and write in 1-100, then copy that, then go through for each question and type up a study guide... ugh. It took for-ev-ver.). But despite all that work, it's done. I turned it into our person the school uses to cover their you-know whats in the event of lame test scores again this year curric*ulum spec*ialist, and was all set to give it next Friday, by somehow cramming all of WWII into four days on Monday through Thursday.

So then I see the curric*ulum spec*ialist who stops me to make sure I turned in the test. This was only 30 minutes after she essentially reamed me because we weren't working "be*ll to be*ll", because it was the last 4 minutes of class and most kids weren't working. We had just finished going over their study guides and they were supposed to be studying, and I tried to explain that we had done the corrections differently this time and it went faster than I expected, and they were supposed to be studying but I didn't have time to be going around getting them on task because I had all sorts of business I was supposed to be taking care of with some of them (for example, giving back an assignment done incorrectly before grading it so they had a chance to do it right, but I had to re-explain how to do it right). So she mentioned she had been in once before where they weren't working right up until the bell. Her reason for why this is important? Not, "I am worried that they aren't maximizing class time to learn all the information." No. It was, "Because you know, if a LE*APP team member (the state te*am that's basically checking up on us to see if we need an actual assigned st*ate team next year to get our test scores up) comes and sees that... well, we just need to be working be*ll to be*ll in case they come in."

Yeah. Nice motives.

So then, off that tangent, when I later saw her she got my test out of her box (I was making copies in the mailroom) she started to get worked up because the objectives weren't written next to each problem and I pointed out that I had typed them up (all 100) and stapled it to the back. Then she asked when I am giving it. I said I would give out the study guide tomorrow and give the test next Friday.

"Oh...", she says. "Well, you're supposed to give it by the 14th."
"Right," I reply, "Isn't Friday the 14th?"
"No, I think it's Thursday [she goes and gets a calendar]. Oh, no, it's Wednesday."
"I honestly thought it was Friday. I really can't give it before then because it's not fair to give it to them Monday before they've had time to study [I am a realist. Maybe 15% will study over the weekend], and I can't give it in the middle of the week because we'll be studying WWII and it would really mess with their learning to learn WWII for two days, then take a huge stressful test, then review for a WWII test and take it afterward."
"Oh. Well... when's Ms. Sm*ith [the other USH teacher] giving it?"
"I don't know."
"Oh. Well I guess I'll have to talk to her... oh, well she's out... maybe...[incoherent mumbling to herself]."
"Well, it really works best to give it Friday. I'm so sorry that I didn't realize that Wednesday is the 14th, but I want them to have the time to study for it and really know the information. Plus, it honestly would just really mess them up to give it in the middle of a different unit."
"Oh. Well... that will work then."
***This isn't to mention the part of the conversation where she didn't know if the scantron (like in college, where you fill in bubbles and a machine then grades and collects data on tests... saves HOURS of time) is fixed yet even though I was promised a month ago that she was told by the principal to physically go to a store and buy one if need be. Yeah. Nice, huh?

So Friday it was. No big deal. So then she comes to my classroom, where I am trying to get going on the stack of 500 papers that need to be graded and entered by Monday (and I refuse to take them home over the weekend. Simply refuse.) but she seems to think this is a good time to engage in conversation.

"Well, it's just not going to work to give the test on Friday, " she says. "Your window is through the 14th."
I say nothing. I am clearly frustrated.
"Um. Do you know when Ms. Sm*ith is giving hers?"
"No. I don't know."
"Oh. Because you're supposed to give them on the same day. Um, so you don't know what day she's giving hers?"
"No. I didn't even realize the deadline for all this was coming up, so she came to me and asked when we could get together to make the test but there weren't any times that both of us could do it so I told her to just give me her materials and I would make it. We didn't discuss when we'd give it."
"Oh. Well, in your department meeting, I remember, you all decided as a department to give it the ninth."
"I don't remember that."
"Oh. Well, your department... I remember, I was there. It was... well, I think... well because the math department is behind and they haven't reached all their objectives but they have benchmarks [tests that the county makes up for the teachers to give, so that the teachers have to focus on objectives and not just teach to the test. It's a really good idea, actually. But they don't do it for history. Nice again, huh? And their idea for getting this for history? For us to come in and the summer and write them ourselves [we'd get a stipend, but still]] and Friday is ok for them but you said... well, your department... well I think you... You just have to give it by the 14th. So can you give it Wednesday?"
"No. That won't work."
"Oh. Well why were you giving it Friday? Are you behind?"
"No. But we're studying WWII and it's not going to work to stop in the middle of the week and try to give a test and then go back to what we were doing."
"Oh. Well do you know when Ms. Sm*ith is giving it?"
[I am starting to get exasperated. I was already frustrated. Now I started to get that cold edge in my voice when I am really ticked.] "No. I don't know when she's giving hers. I haven't seen her."
"Oh. So you have to give it by Wednesday. That's the window. So can you give it Tuesday or Wednesday?."
"No. It will only work to give it Monday or Friday. That gives the kids no chance to make sure they understand the material with me, but since you changed your mind about Friday I will give it Monday."
"Oh. Well, you can give it in the middle of the week so they have more time."
"I'll give it Monday. I'm not going to confuse them by giving it in the middle of a different unit."
"Oh. Well do you know if Ms. Sm*ith is going to give it Monday."
"No. I don't know when she's going to give it."
"Oh. Well ok then."

And I sat there in silence and she left. I was seething inside and I know I had a bit of an attitude with her but I was flat out angry. And no, you didn't accidentally scroll up to the first conversation- she just asked me the same questions 52 frieking times.

I am so... ugh. Now I know why teachers get fed up and quit. Pair that with kids in third period telling me that if you can't make money off of something it's not valuable (therefore to them the vast majority of history is of zero value so they don't want know why they have to know it. Education for the purpose of education is worthless to them. I know that happens all the time but today was not the day to tell me this.) Plus, whether my kids value their education or not the fact is I care that they get a good one. Yet the school only cares about getting our test scores up for the sake of not getting in trouble from the state, not because of what is best for actual student learning.

So much for my eternal optimism. If finances weren't a factor at this point (I could not pay the bills if I had no job)I don't know that I would want to come back next semester, let alone next year. Good thing I have never quit on any major commitments before. I am not a quitter. But still.

Is the problem the actual circumstances or my attitude?