'Cuz everybody know the game don't stop

[Soul Survivor, Akon & Young Jeezy]

I have a friend that things went kind of sour with. They blame me and though I've apologized they still say it's all my fault and refuse to own up to their end of things. Which is totally fine with me, in that I can't make them do what they don't want to do. I also can't make them want to understand my point of view or work things out. I'd love to reconcile, or at least be able to walk away without hard feelings but the other person clearly doesn't want that.

What really makes me mad is that they are just shutting down. Ignoring e-mails and such. Now, you may be thinking that I'm a loser for trying to get in touch with them. It's a double-edged sword. On the one hand, the Bible makes it clear that if you've sinned against someone you should go to them and be reconciled before you try to go before the Lord. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, but the person at hand did think I was sinning against them and I feel that it's my responsibility, in Christ, to be humble and work it out with them. Even if they never own up to their actions that wounded me, I still feel I should be humble before them and apologize for hurting them.

Also, I've been trying to get in touch with them because we both have stuff of the other's from various times spent together that needs to be returned. I don't know their address, and they said they'd send my stuff but it's been awhile and, alas, no stuff of mine has come. It's frustrating to be ignored when if they would just send me my stuff and give me their address then I could send their stuff back and though it would frustrate me to leave things without healing the rift I'd have to accept that they don't want it. THAT was a mouthful, but maybe it gives you a sense of everything swirling around in me.

Ugh. I hate this situation. On the one hand, I want to tear my hair out because the other person once professed to care about me so much (as well as loving Christ and always seeking to do what He would do) and now they are being completely juvenile and immature. The last time I remember ignoring someone to make a point was SECOND GRADE. It's also 1 of only 2 times I ever got in serious trouble at school.

Ok, story insert here: Yah, they sent me to the principal's office for literally turning my back to my best friend because she ticked me off. (Remember that, M? ) Mrs. Carlton, I think, was her name... please tell me you remember when this happened! The only other time was in 7th grade when I called a girl a masturbater. I know, not awesome. But there were rumors about her and hot dogs going around and I was unsaved and insecure and she made fun of me on the playground. What makes it REALLY horrible is that I lied to the principal and said that I called her a "Master Baiter" because my family made me go fishing every weekend and I hated it SO much that to me it was the ultimate insult. And I got away with it! On the one hand I want to hang my head in shame, but on the other hand I kind of want to giggle because... well, that's creative and funny :)

So ANYWAY, I'm frustrated with being ignored. I want to say, "Ok, they're being a jerk and no matter how much you cared about them just get your stuff back and move on." Yet at the same time it really bothers me that someone won't accept my apology (not to mention they basically accused me in an e-mail of not even walking with God-- this is back when they still were talking to me). I've been quietly dealing with it and going on with my everyday life but I'm ready to BURST.

Grrrr.

I've said it a thousand times but I'll say it again- I hate head games. Abhor them. I can handle the loss of a close friend I once respected, and hope for the best for them even if they shut me out. The head games just really get to me. Especially with this person beause they always swore throughout our relationship that they hate it when people ignore others and they would never do that to anyone.

SO FRUSTRATED.

Ok, end of vent.