I want to be holy like You are

[Wholly Yours, David Crowder Band]

I'm getting excited for next school year. I've been thinking about the changes in my life, and the way my Lord has been recentering my focus on Him, and I am excited at the privilege and opportunity to serve my students.

The truth is, despite being well-intentioned, the leadership in my school (from local administration up to the upper echelon of ranking officials) is subpar. Enough so that I can't say whether I will stay past my two year commitment to Tea*ch for Amer*ica. I'll certainly finish out my commitment, but staying for a third year will simply depend on how next year goes. This is not to mention time spent in prayer, seeking where God would have me go. Here's to hope that He'll send me to Seattle :)

There were times last year when I really wondered if it was all worth it- leaving my friends, family, and beloved PacNW (Pacific Northwest) to live in the middle of nowhere, in a culture that often baffles me (trust me... the south is sometimes like living in a foreign country. But at least in China I could understand their accents when speaking English!!), and working in a school system where it seemed that my 90 hour workweeks had far less impact and meaning than the latest "life is all about riches and sex" hip-hop song. The endless optimist in me was courted- and nearly swept away- by Sir Cynicism.

At the end of the day, however, I am reminded of my passion-- my kids. They deserve my best. I would give them the world, if I could. They are so smart, and have so much potential, but 10 years of less than exemplary (to put it nicely) teaching have left them far behind their peers. By the third grade children in impoverished areas (primarily urban and rural settings) are an average of 3 years behind their suburban peers. My students are a prime example of this statistic- the average reading level in my high school is about fifth grade; writing is likely closer to third. I wish I were exagerrating.

It breaks my heart to read things written by my ninth graders like, "My goals in this class is get a A so I can be luwyar". So I press on- my kids will know the curriculum (and they know that I would feel like a failure at life if they couldn't say how this nation came to exist, or recall immediately that Spain is in Europe and not South America!!) but in addition they will be better readers, better writers, and better thinkers.

I am a very relationship driven teacher. It's simply who I am. My classroom motto is "daring to be REAL" and I do my best to be authentic before my students. When I am grouchy, sarcastic, and short tempered I apologize and admit they deserve a better teacher. When I don't know an answer, I admit it. When I am wrong, I make sure to correct myself. These students deserve to see an adult who can accept that she is not perfect; I strive to be a living example before them.

When a sense of dread at the impending work ahead of me creeps into the perimeter of my heart and mind, I remind myself of my students- truly they are, after Christ, the loves of my life. I see Summer's face glowing when she would come in before and after school because she knew I would be excited to see her, and that I would ask and genuinely care about how things were going. I see Charity stopping in to give me a prom picture. I see Dave's face absolutely beaming when I told him that he had amazing potential and that I would do whatever it takes to ensure that he is sufficiently prepared to excell in college. I think of Helen, and the tears in her eyes when she told me that, because of me, she would wait to get pregnant, and that I was the first person in her life that made her feel truly loved. I see Max's shy smile of happy surprise when I happened to see him at Wal-Mart last week. I hear the numerous excited shouts I encounter in public of, "Ms. T*K!!!" (oft said in various other forms, including but not limited to, "Whaddup, T-KAY!!", and, "Yo, T-Kizzle!!", and, "Ah, I see T*K's rockin' the Ac" [short for Acura, of course], and, "Holla, T*K!"). I recall all of the above, and my heart is full.

In the upcoming weeks my plans include reading this year's Te*ach for Ameri*ca materials that the newbies poured over at Institute, and trying to nail down exactly what I'll be teaching so I can begin mapping out next year. This could be tricksie, since I was switched from World History to US History two days before school started last year, and then back to World History when we started the new semester (I teach on a block schedule, so we get all new classes and I- ode to joy- was able to start new curriculum as well). When school ended my principal had pretty much no idea what I'll be teaching next year. Sweet.

Nonetheless- here's to my kids. I'm preparing even now because they deserve my very best. Here's one of my favorite pics of them: