Due to recent concerns for my own privacy and safety, I have made the rather difficult choice to stop posting on this blog and to start a new one. I know I have a decent number of faithful readers, so if you would like to know where you can find my new blog just e-mail me at:

menodoxa@gmail.com

Then I will tell you the address of the new site.

I appreciate you guys :)

People all over the world- join hands- start a love train, a love train

[Love Train, The O'Jays]

Church today was SUCH a blessing. Bible study with the other young adults was refreshing. There's something unique and special about studying God's Word among one's peers. I also love the couple that leads us. She's so tender-hearted and sweet, and she always applies scripture to life. He's dedicated to studying out the truth and he always has pages of notes because he's a diligent worker who prepares ahead of time. I really admire them and am so grateful that God has placed me where I am able to get to know them.

The service itself was also a blessing. One reason is because even though my church here is pretty much hymn-driven, today I knew almost every song we sang. I'm not saying hymns are bad, just that I didn't grow up in the church and I don't know many hymns which can make it hard for me to really center in on Christ and just worship. Usually I'm trying to figure out the words and where the note's at, etc. But today I could really just worship in song and it was wonderful!

The other great thing was that the sermon really spoke to me. It was out of Genesis 16, and the main thing I walked away with is that often when God speaks I take things into my own hands. I heard His promise, so I try to work it out. This is not an uncommon mistake- Sarah and Abraham did the exact same thing. God promised them that they would bear a son, and they took matters into their own hands by utilizing the servant Hagar.

The beauty of God is that even though everyone involved sinned (Abraham and Sarah for not believing God; Hagar for her attitude toward Sarah once she conceived; Sarah for her treatment of Hagar; Abraham for not keeping his wife in check and giving her free reign to mistreat Hagar) He still worked it out for His glory. He still gave Abraham and Sarah the promised son. He protected Hagar and was El Roi to her- the God Who Sees. He still blessed the son that Abraham ought not have ever fathered, as opposed to allowing Ishmael to shrivel away. The entire Arab race can trace their heritage back to Ishmael- and, ultimately, Abraham.

I'm not sure why this never struck me before, but I find great beauty in this truth: God fulfilled his promise to Abraham and Sarah by allowing her to give birth to Isaac. This was, however 14 years- 14 LONG years, I am sure- after the birth of Ishmael, and we don't know how much time elapsed between God's promise to Abraham and the birth of Ishmael. Therefore we don't know exactly how long Abraham and Sarah had to wait for God to come through on His Word. It was, however, at least 14 years. This is over half of my lifetime. It's a long time in many respects.

Frequently I know God has promised me something, so I expect quick payout. This isn't how He operates. I constantly remind myself that God is concerned with the process of working out His glory in me far more than He is with the end result. Without the refining process the end would never be reached.

I pray I would always wait on the Lord. Though He may choose to tarry, I will wait.

I need you so much closer... so come on

[Transatlanticism, Death Cab for Cutie]

This is something Darla pointed me to, and you should check it out:

Click this link

I think that the genocide of American Indians / Native Americans / First Peoples is the single most ugly scar in our nation's history, save for the ugly brutalities of slavery (to me, both are horrid). The tragedy is that many of the problems on reservations today can be traced back to the efforts to essentially wipe out an entire race, and to strip the culture and humanity from those who remained.

Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce is one of the bravest men in history, in my opinion, yet very few children ever learn his name. What child never learns about Abraham Lincoln, Paul Revere, Samuel Adams, or FDR? They are lauded, among countless others, as heroes, yet a man like this chief of the Nez Perce fought to save his people with the same qualities of leadership. He, however, was forced to surrender a group of primarily the elderly, women, and children because his warriors were killed in battle, and the remaining people were starving, sick, and dying in droves as a result of their attempt to escape the US troops and find exile in Canada.

This Native leader's famous speech should be taught with the same fervor as Revere's midnight ride, the Gettysburg Address, or FDR's famous "day of infamy" speech following Pearl Harbor.


In case you don't know it, I want to share it with you here:

I WILL FIGHT NO MORE FOREVER

(Surrender Speech)

by Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce

I WILL FIGHT NO MORE FOREVER -

I am tired of fighting.

Our chiefs are killed.

Looking Glass is dead.

Toohulhulsote is dead.

The old men are all dead.

It is the young men who say no and yes.

He who led the young men is dead.

It is cold and we have no blankets.

The little children are freezing to death.

My people, some of them,

Have run away to the hills

And have no blankets, no food.

No one know where they are-

Perhaps they are freezing to death.

I want to have time to look for my children

And see how many of them I can find.

Maybe I shall find them among the dead.

Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired.

My heart is sad and sick.

From where the sun now stands

I will fight no more forever.

When he surrendered the Chief was led to believe he would eventually return with his people to the lands of his ancestry; instead they spent years in Kansas, and then Oklahoma. He finally returned to the Pacific Northwest, but to a reservation in northern Washington state as opposed to his ancestral homes in northeastern Oregon.

The greatest tragedy is that Chief Joseph died a lonely and broken man, still denied the right to go home, from what his doctor diagnaosed as "a broken heart".

I pray that those who learn the truth would never forget it, and allow compassion into their hearts before they judge and label Native Americans.

Sometimes you can't make it on your own

[Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, U2]

WARNING: HARRY POTTER SPOILER AHEAD

If you haven't read all the way through the six released Harry Potter books, then don't read this entry because it will spoil things, but a lot of people have read them and I have got to talk about it.

I was upset with J.K. Rowling for killing Sirius. But... Dumbledore? I just cried like a little girl. I kept waiting for him to wake up, get up, say Fawkes' tears saved him, or that he and Snape already worked it out and he wouldn't actually be killed when the death curse was put on him. It's so sad. I feel so bad for Harry.

I know they're just books, but I seriously feel like a real friend just died. And I thought I was upset with Rowling allowing Voldemort to kill Cedric Diggory... and then Sirius. Boo on her, that's all I can say.

It's been released (Rowling said this, at least) that two people will die in the last book. I, personally, really hope that it's Voldemort and Snape, but it seems that at least one person we love would have to die. I just hope it's not Harry, Hermione, or any of the Weasleys. And I feel sorry for Draco Malfoy, which I didn't think was possible. *sigh*

Silly good books anyway.

I got victory- HALLELUJAH- over the enemy - GLORY, GLORY

[Free at Last, DC Talk]

Well hello world.

It's 7:50 and I got up at 7:14. AM!! Yes!!

The bad news is I barely got 6+ hours of sleep, which my body totally crashes on. I need at least 8, preferably 9.

I would be quite happy to regulate sleeping to more like 1-9 am, but last night I didn't sleep well; I tossed and turned, woke up constantly, had no concept of what time it was, etc. I actually had this deep fear in my heart that it was actually 1:14pm and not 7:14am when I tried to look at my alarm clock this morning, and that my plan was shot all to pieces.

Imagine, for you normal sleepers, staying up all night, getting four hours of sleep from like 2-6am, staying up for eight hours after that until 2 pm and then making your new sleeping hours from 2 in the afternoon until 10 at night and keeping those new hours. It would kick your... you know... and most people probably couldn't do it.

I'm only on step one of the journey, because I feel like crud today and the true test will be if I can make it until tonight to sleep and not take any naps. My eyes are all bloodshot, my head hurts, and I'm hungry as heck because I've eaten like 300 calories in the last 30 hours (oops). And I've been sick (I was feeling much better. WAS.) and the whole not sleeping thing has sort of relapsed me.

But it's worth it because a person with no self-control is like a defenseless city with no walls and I don't want to be one of those people! I need to get this sleep cycle in line or I will be MISERABLE when I start having to be up by 5:30-6:00am when school gets back into gear. My goal this year, actually, will be to leave my house by 6:45am every day.

Gotta love the life of a teacher :)

Would you want me when I'm not myself?

[Not Myself, John Mayer]

I had a three and a half hour heart-to-heart with one of my best friends today. It was a much needed phone convo, being as we hadn't spoken for nearly 3 weeks... we've been playing the world's worst game of phone tag for over a week now. It was a blessing and I am so grateful for having the world's greatest friends ever.

I knew he was going to call at 4, so I had to take some intense (and intentional) measures- you see, my sleeping schedule has slowly morphed into one in which I sleep from 9am-5pm. I know, not awesome. I tried to rectify this by staying up all night and then I would be so exhausted, I thought, that I'd to do bed by like 8 the next night. Wrong- I couldn't make it past 10 am.

So then I tried going to bed at 8 am and setting my alarm for noon the next day. In my sleep I turned the alarm off.

Next I tried the same schedule by setting my alarm AND setting my cell phone alarm to go off repeatedly on the other side of my room. Going to bed I was CERTAIN this would get me up. WRONG... my sleepy self just turned both off.

The problem is that my conscious mind gets overrruled by my subconscious mind unless my conscious mind is saying there's something that I HAVE to get up for. So unless it's a place I have to be, I can't get my subconscious mind to obey. I had actually been considering getting sleeping pills because I try going to bed earlier but I just can't fall asleep.

Today, though, I knew Brendo would be calling around 4pm, so I made myself stay up until noon. I wouldn't not want to get up to talk to him, so I set my cell on its highest setting (praise God no one else called!) and went to bed around... ok, at exactly... 12:17 and was out almost immediately. Brendo called at 4:13 so it was perfect.

Now it's 8:30 and I'm SO tired :) I basically stayed up all night with a 4 hour nap. I'm going to spend some time in God's word, then read Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, and hopefully be asleep by ten... and in a perfect world up by 8-9 tomorrow.

Here's to hope, huh?

Oh, and I think Adam Morrison's hair is sexy :) The 'stache not so much, but the hair I love!

Happy 22nd birthday, Adam Morrison!!