I still haven't found what I'm looking for

So normally I am completely content with being single. I haven't met that person who makes me suddenly realize that, though I was ok before them, I can't live without them. I joke that I will marry Tom Brady, but I recognize that the likelihood of that is, oh... nil. Though, let's be honest- Tom and Tami Brady? How freaking cute is that?

All that said... I was reading the blog of a friend from high school and he had posted some pictures of friends who recently had a baby. They were from the hospital, with the mom still in her hospital gown and in her room. Seeing them, people so young- my age, perhaps younger- twisted something in me. That yearning, the hidden layer normally kept concealed, for my own beaming husband gazing at his son. Me calling friends and family to announce our addition to the world. The dull, distant hunger that normally seems so satiated but all at once roars in a split-second's worth of fury.

This is rare for me. Think what you may, but I am not your normal 24 year old. Not only am I a virgin in the sexual sense, but I also have never had a real relationship (6th grade, where you hold hands during the science movie but never talk to one another doesn't really count, in my opinion). It's a choice I made, recognizing my own propensity to give all of myself. I love fiercely and wholeheartedly. If I were to date, fall in love, and then break up with a guy it would ravage my heart. I also am steadfast and determined to give my future husband not only my actual virginity, but to be as pure as possible. I want him to know that he's the only one who's ever held me that way, stroked my hair, kissed my lips, rested his hand on my leg when driving in the car, etc.

Some think that this is crazy. Others assume it can't be done. Countless people attack me, be it from malice or simple misunderstanding, simply because they don't think it can be done- to only have a relationship with the person you marry. They worry that I'll feel robbed, or like I missed out. I won't. This is what's right for me. I have no doubt.

Still... every now and again a certain couple, or pictures of people clearly in love with one another and their child, reminds me that I am just that much closer to my own love story. The man of my dreams. The man better than what I can dream up because my God will fit us together.

Wherever you are, my love, I'm still waiting. Our time will come.