The crown that showed no dignity He wore

[This Man, Jeremy Camp]

I am one blessed woman. There was an awkward situation with the roommates- one in which I was 85% wrong, at the very least; 100% wrong on some points- and it sort of just blew over, and we were all cool like it never happened. I wanted to talk about it with one roomie in particular but the conversation just felt like it would have been forced and the time was never right.

Earlier I just sat here with it eating at me, so I went to talk to her. It was such a great conversation- so redeeming. I love being secure enough in Christ to be able to admit when I am wrong and still not feel like I am losing my worth. It's amazing how life is abundant when I am willing to die to myself. Plus, she's amazing and gracious and while I didn't expect her to apologize for anything, she did. That was just such a blessing on every level.

In other news... it was a chill day. I was in such a bad mood in class today (and yesterday) and I really don't know why. I don't know what was wrong with me. Yesterday I told a student in fourth period that if he didn't stop what he was doing I was going to hurt his feelings. I thought Anna's face was going to be permanently plastered to the floor- she was in such shock. Normally I NEVER say things like that. I was able to talk to him later and reassure him that I DO like him, but this kid is so desperate for attention that he does really ridiculous things and some days I just can't handle him. All the more of a reason I need to love him. In retrospect, the situation was kind of funny. I love my kids, don't get me wrong. There are just some days that are less stellar than others.

And then there's this curious phenomenon with the boys in third and fourth period. I have Play-Doh so that during notes and conversations the high-maintenance kids have something to do with their hands. I, for example, despite my usually high academic performance, can never sit still (I'm totally tapping my right foot currently, now that I think about it) and I actually listen far better if my hands are busy. Somehow I am better able to focus if I'm doing something. Thus, the Play-Doh. Only... many of the boys are obsessed with making phallic forms. WHAT IS THIS? I don't get it. Girls don't do that. But the boys? They're all about the phallus, and they try to make it in a disguised way ("What?? It's a microphone, Ms. T*K.") So they make them. That and poop. Ugh. Boys. Oh, and if you don't know what a phallus is, I recommend you use a dictionary site without pictures to look it up. But by now you can probably guess...

Another thing: Tonight I was looking at some pictures from high school (Darla inspired me) and perusing my poetry and prose and such from then. I read a story I wrote when I was sixteen- I was impressed with my vocabulary at the time. People oft make fun of shows with teens using big words, but I knew my way around the linguistic block. The pictures were fun, too- I found one of my brother and I (Clinton) from when I came home for break during my first year of college. I miss him so much it physically hurts sometimes. We were pretty out of touch there for awhile and I literally felt like an important part of me was dying. We're doing better with communication now and I honestly feel much better about life. I read a story today about a girl who lost her brother in a car crash, and while I know I would make it, I think that if I ever lost Clinton like that I'd be pretty devastated. I can't think about it. Need to move on...

Earlier I clicked on one of my many Firefox homepages and discovered- to my elation- that the Red Sox spanked the Yankees. Like 14-3. When I first checked it was 10-2. But that feels really good :)

Also, according to some John Mayer fan, whom I am sure is cursing her parents for not better planning her day of entry into the world, I am "so luky!!" that I have the same birthday as John Mayer. I am not sure what it means to be "so luky!!" but if ever I find out you'll all be among the first to know.

Tomorrow we're watching All Quiet on the Western Front. I wish someone would do a modern remake of this movie, because while it's awesome, my kids totally miss the significance due to an inability to get past the fact that it's 70+ years old. I was straight up with them about the quality, though, and they still voted to watch it, so watch it tomorrow we shall. At least I won't have the opportunity to be grouchy :) Maybe it's this whole losing weight thing. Does getting healthy mean I have to be a jerk? I hope not. I think I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and mean. Tough choice there. Hopefully I was just tired! I don't think I could ever consistently be a jerk, even if I wanted to. It's just not in me.

More randomosity- being that I spend abnormal amounts of time on ESPN.com (well, not really, but it sounded cool to say) I noticed that the Seahawks are moving their headquarters to Renton. Also, the Sonics are considering building their new stadium there. My good friend Melissa lives there, and she loves it. Tonight I was thinking about how much I miss home. I like North Carolina, but I will always be a west coast girl at heart. I've long thought that I will settle down in either the Seattle or Boston areas. Watching the Seahawks games was a little like death for me- and not just because I was surrounded by Steelers fans (I really, really don't like the Steelers. Never have. I am abstaining from using the word "hate" here, but it's a deep dislike.) the whole time. But I just wished I was in that stadium, surrounded by Washingtonians. Out here I am the lone Washington girl. One girl went to Gonzaga (though she was from Oregon), but she was actually killed in a car accident last September. Losing her was hard anyway, to say the least, but it was also difficult to lose my one connection to home.

I really feel like Washington is such a special place. Most people out here (North Carolina, and/or the east coast) think of California when I say "west coast". At first I was offended, but now I am glad. It's a pretty well kept secret that Washington is amazing- yet anyone I talk to that's been there can't get over how beautiful it is :) I've said it before, but I am grateful that people think Seattle gets 800 feet of rain a year, or that Spokane doesn't exist. (Did you know that most all of the major eastern seaboard cities get more precipitation per year than Seattle? I bet you didn't!) I sort of resent all of the Californians that are migrating to my beloved home state. But I am glad that east coast-ers don't know about it because I kind of want it to stay just like it is.

I am still pretty unsure of the Lord's will for my life pertaining to location, but I think I'd really like to live somewhere in the suburban areas around Seattle. Far enough to be out of the city, but close enough that I could feasibly still teach in a Title I school. That's where my heart is- though I adore places like Mt. Spokane and the Mead School District I am just not sure that I can ever go back to teaching in areas of privilege. My heart is with the underdogs. But, again, I know not the plan for my life. I will go wherever I am sent.

This is long and I am getting tired of typing. Tis time for bed. But to all of you lurkers (Grayden, Clinton, Melissa, Sharon, etc.... Darla and Sho do a decent job, so you two are off the hook) feel free to leave comments. You don't have to sign up or anything if you don't have an account, but you guys are my friends and I appreciate your input.