You found me when no one else was looking-

- How did you know just where I would be?

[You Found Me, Kelly Clarkson]

I've heard this song a few times, and it's a catchy tune, but I never really listened to it. At some point today I actually paid attention to the lyrics.

I made a commitment to wait on God for His timing to have a relationship when I was 16. At times it hasn't been easy. As I've said before, I've never been in love. I hear the songs, see the movies, observe the friends, all oozing love and love lost and I sing along, wait expectantly for the moment when they realize they're in love, and provide the words of encouragement and sometimes the shoulder to cry on but I have no idea what falling/being in love actually feels like.

To be fair, I have never met the right guy. And I am not worried about meeting someone. Some may scoff, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the One who formed me and has walked with me through my life has someone in the wings, but it's not time yet for him to walk out onto the stage and into the spotlight of my life. Nevermind the cynics who say maybe God's plan for me isn't marriage- it is, I have no doubt, but life is about timing and mine's not here. I'm perfectly fine with that.

Today I was talking with one of my best friends from high school (by some act of grace I have been able to reconnect with some of those friends, especially these two incredible women, and for that I extremely grateful) via a great e-mail relay, and memories flooded back. I remember when she and I would talk about that Great Love which we knew awaited us. We were sure that, if we laid our desires before Christ and truly sought Him, one day we'd end up in a marriage in which we'd continually fall deeper and deeper in love. Our life partner. Soulmate. Nothing is more beautiful than the old man that looks across a room full of people and the most beautiful woman in his line of sight is his equally aged wife of his youth. The sparkle in his eye means far more than a few great nights in bed when they were young (and, don't get me wrong- we all know how much I am looking forward to THAT.)

My parents have that. Granted, they aren't Christians, but they have been blessed with great love. My mom has lost a ton of weight, and I remember how my dad (who's pretty handsome) would go up behind her in the kitchen (or laundry room or living room or yard...), put his arms around her, whisper in her ear, and make sure she knew that she was not only the most beautiful woman in the world but the only one he wanted- even when she was very heavy. In some ways I couldn't understand it- of all the women he could have had, he chose someone that by the world's standards wasn't up to par. Or was far beyond it, as the case may be. Yet, she had something that no other woman had- she was his match. Their 20 year anniversary is next March. (He's my stepdad, ps.)

I'm waiting for that. The one that finds me when no one else is looking. The one who sees what no one else sees. I want to be the woman who comes alongside her man and is not only his helpmate, but his greatest encourager and supporter. I don't want to question his decisions or try to manipulate and demasculinize him (is that even a word? meh.) or do any of those annoying wife things. It will be work, because I've been my own support system since I was about 6 years old. Entirely trusting someone else will be a process, but when that day comes I look forward to the death to self I will experience.

I'll end with what I just wrote to the one I call my "darling" (her name's Darla and my nickname for her used as a joke a couple of times back in high school just stuck.) Plus, because I'm me, I'll throw in a little something else as well.

Remember our talks when we held fast to the idea of falling in love with someone that we will wake up next to at 50 and say, "God, how did I find him? And how am I the woman he loves?", all the while knowing that by some miracle he feels the same way about us? I firmly believe it's absolutely possible. When Christ is at the center of your marriage you will still experience your rough patches, but I trust that in 25 years (frick, we're old!) you will find that no man in the world could ever be him, and that he's all that you want or need.

As for my own man, baby, you're welcome to find me. Until then, you can trust me to stay in the center of our Lord's will for my life. You're worth waiting for.