And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter

[Live Like You Were Dying, Tim McGraw]

I sent this to my friend Nick. If the Lord leads then He will read it at Jamie's memorial service Monday. I share it with you in honor of her memory.

I first met Jamie through Generation Christ in the summer of 2000. I remember thinking she seemed like a sweet girl, never expecting that she'd end up one of my better friends. That fall I was in my freshman year at Whitworth, and one weekend I was in downtown Spokane volunteering at the local food bank when she came up and asked me if we knew each other from somewhere. In the end, Jamie and I ended up exchanging phone numbers and promising to call each other sometime.

She, of course, called me first because she was always great about that kind of stuff- calling friends, keeping in touch, and letting people know how much they meant to her... that remains in my heart her greatest quality. Her ability to love freely and without hesitation. We ended up becoming very close throughout our freshman and sophomore years of college. She transferred from Gonzaga to Whitworth mainly because of the large quantities of time she spent with me on Whitworth's campus, where she found a much more Christ-centered atmosphere. One of my favorite memories of Jamie is when we decided that everytime she cussed she'd pay me a dollar, and everytime I started to talk about a boy that we both knew wasn't God's best for me then I had to pay her a dollar. I remain quite certain that money never actually passed hands, but the heart of the matter is that the Lord united us because we were two young women seeking His face.

By junior year we began to grow apart- I was extremely busy with both my church and campus leadership, and she had decided to move back home for awhile. We mostly lost touch up until a few months ago when Christ laid it on my heart to call her. She told me how great she was doing- how the Lord had brought her through a dark depression, and that she was so happy for the first time in a long time. She loved her classes at Central, had amazing friends, a renewed walk with God, and was in a great relationship with the love of her life, JJ.

My last e-mail from her was typical Jamie- joyful and sweet. As always, she made sure that I knew how much I meant to her. I learned so much from her about how to shed the chains of protection that normally guard my frail heart- to be vulnerable and never afraid to tell people how much they mean to me.

This morning I thought about relationships, and the way my precious Lord has carefully woven the tapestry that is my life. It is no coincidence that I bumped into a random Gonzaga student at the food bank six years ago. God intended to use Jamie in my life for a purpose. He gave me the awesome privilege of knowing her, and being able to love and be loved by her. Her threads in my life's tapestry are vibrant, bold, and beautiful. It breaks my heart that her threads in my life ended so soon, but I am all the more blessed because they are present.

Losing her has reminded me that life is a precious gift. I have no assurance of tomorrow, no promise that this won't be my last day before Christ calls me home to Him. I praise God that Jamie is in His presence in Heaven. I also pray that, per Jamie's example, I would embrace every day- never hesitating to tell others that I love them. Until that day when I, too, am in the presence of the Lord, I pray that I would live with no regrets.

And Jamie- I love you. You mean- not meant, but mean- so much to me. I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.